Tomorrow I have my second interview at Stan and Deliver Productions. This was the perfect position I've been talking about for the last week or two. I have to get it. I took it easy today in preparation, got a good sleep and hung out at the coffee shop catching up on my unemployment paperwork. I finally figured things out with my mail. Looks like I'm going to be getting ten weeks of benefits at the same time. Procrastination sometimes works in your favor. While I was filling out the papers, I sneezed and this old man next to me said, "Looks like you're allergic to work," I assume because it looked like I was working hard. Little did he know I was filling out late unemployment paperwork.
Saturday night I slept over at Josh's so we could leave early the next morning. His friend Colin came over and we hung out and drank some wine, went in the spa, played a domino game. It was fun. We all told stories about people we know and talked about high school. I wonder sometimes if I am a story like that, like how many people in my peer group know what is going on with me and my manic episodes. I will never really know, it doesn't really bother me if they do. Maybe someday I will be able to write something that really does them justice so everyone can understand or at least empathize.
It felt good to get back to LA. It was a really clear beautiful day and the city looked prettier than normal. If you're on the 10 west and look toward the Hollywood Hills, the city can actually be quite majestic, just don't look to the right. I felt relieved to be far far away from Alamo and Danville and anywhere I could have run into her. I didn't feel sad at all to leave, it felt like it was time. My aunt and uncle were gone, so it was me and my two cousins, Chad and James at the house. We watched some football and South Park.
I spent most of the day reading a book Chris has left with my brother in Danville. It was called The Way of The Superior Man. It was a quick read that was essentially about being a full and complete man and how to bring that into your romantic relationships. It definitely made me think critically about how I should respond to my situation with Kim. One piece of advice in the book is to talk frankly with your male friends at least once a week and get their opinions, so I wrote him this morning and did just that. Her birthday is coming up and I am weighing whether or not to write her.
I should definitely talk to my male friends more than I do. I really appreciate the emotional support that women tend to give, but I think sometimes you need the straightforward truth of a male. I am certainly a straightforward person when giving advice and maybe I am avoiding this because I don't want to hear the Wayne Campbell (from "Wayne's World") advice, "Get over her, go out with somebody else." Of course, that is what I would tell anybody in my situation and I should.
I was a bit disappointed I never really got to have a heart to heart about what was going on while I was in Danville. Jen wasn't in the mood to talk about it and Josh was with Bridget the whole time, so it sort of got brushed under the rug. Jen and Kim are moving in together in the next week or so and this makes me really anxious, hell, just driving into Alamo Square so my dad could go to a store there made me really tense just because she lives in the vicinity.
So how is this whole thing going to play out? Now Jen and Chris and Kim all live in San Francisco and I won't be able to go over and hang out at my best friend's house when I am home in a month. It is a shitty situation. I don't understand why she can't be more rational about this, but then again, I can understand, because she is not a rational person. She follows her feelings and as I was reminded by the book I read yesterday, that is why men love women and what is annyoing about them.
I miss the simpler days when we could just both have unannounced feelings for each other that were apparent to nobody but the two of us. Is she worried she would feel that way again if she saw me? What is she waiting for? These questions continue to plague me. As much as I want to get over it, if she is living with Jen, we are going to have to deal with each other eventually. I can't just walk away and never talk to her or see her again. That seems like an easy way out at this point.
Things to do tonight to prepare for my interview:
- Cut my nails.
- Wash my hair.
- Shave.
- Read about his upcoming movie.
- Print out a resume and letter of recommendation.
- Get to bed early.
I am going to nail this interview tomorrow. I have to.
Also, I am going to eat and only have one cup of coffee tomorrow morning so I'm not jittery like I am now. Guess I should go eat soon!
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