I'm back in the Palisades, feeling pretty rundown and sore. I had some drinks last night, walked a long way out to the bars and slept on a couch. I managed to pack a lot into Friday, so I figured I would take it easy tonight, I watched Oregon beat Stanford in football and I'm already feeling like going to bed, despite the fact that I woke up around twelve.
Last night I went out with Gilli, her boyfriend Nick and Stefan. We started at their apartment, took a brief trip by Mohawk Bend, a bar and grill and then went to The Shortstop, a bar with dancing in Echo Park. I danced for a bit, I like dancing, it's fun when you don't really care and are just there to have fun and enjoy yourself, it's also fun when you are out on the prowl. Last night I was definitely on the prowl.
Nick and Gilli left pretty early, but Stefan wanted to stay, so I stuck around with him. He was really drunk and I didn't really want to leave him by himself. I wasn't having much luck finding any takers on the dance floor, I ended up meeting a girl from Seattle, who I wasn't really interested in, but she was nice. I danced with her for a bit, then looked around for Stefan, but I couldn't find him anywhere and he wasn't responding to my texts.
I went out back to see if he was out there smoking a cigarette and on the way back in someone grabbed my ass! How rude, you might be thinking, but no, it turned out to be a really cute British girl named Hanna, so it wasn't rude, it was charming. I chatted with her and her friend for the next hour or so and we all bought each other drinks, then her and I went to go dance to the song "Shout" and we made out on the dance floor for a while, it was pretty spectacular.
She is staying with her friend Sarah in Silverlake, right up the street from where I used to live, it was a bit frustrating to know a couple months ago I lived within walking distance of where she's staying. She's going to be there for the next six months or so, she lived here for six years and has come back to get citizenship, she doesn't have a job or a place, so we can relate on that, not that it's the best thing to relate about. She seemed interested in coming out and seeing an improv show, which is great, I will enjoy introducing her to that little world.
Anyway, at the end of the night we took a cab together, I got out at her place and then ran most of the way back to Gilli and Stefan's, partially because I was pumped up, partially because I thought it was going start raining harder. I was pretty proud of myself, even though you may be thinking it should be cake since she came on to me pretty strongly, in college I probably would have messed it up by not talking to her or being awkward and not knowing what to do. The key for me is to be comfortable and stick around, and be relatively intelligent. I also convinced them for a little bit that I was trying to get them to join the Buddhist Self-Realization Fellowship, they were relieved when they found out I was joking.
Turns out Stefan walked all the way back from the bars alone and didn't tell me he was leaving. Oh well, worked out for the best.
I really just can't drink anymore. I woke up this morning, or rather this afternoon with a pretty bad headache and getting anything done has been a struggle. My guess is that I'm asleep within the next hour and a half, but it was worth it. I got to be social and I met someone who seems really sweet and who I am actually excited to see again. Good timing after my last post, which was particularly lovelorn.
Lately, I haven't really considered myself a social person, although I have been in the past. Going out with a group of people and talking and stuff exhausts me, even though I tend to enjoy it. Normally, I really have to push myself to be around people and engage in conversation, but the last week or so, I haven't felt that as much.
That scene in Pulp Fiction is so true, when Uma Thurman is talking to John Travolta about how it is rare, the person that you can just enjoy being in silence with. To me, it seems phony to have to be talking all the time. Then again, I'm glad I can muster it up and get out there in the world and communicate. Reading about Schizoaffective disorder, (which I may or may not have) people tend to not have a lot of close friendships or be able to communicate in a normal way. It has definitely been a challenge for me to talk about myself and engage since I got out of the hospital, partially I think because a lot of things about myself I just don't want to talk about. I'm really good at getting other people to talk by asking questions and leading them on, but when it comes to talking about myself, I really need to be prodded. I feel like I used to be much more of a story teller than I am now.
I guess this is stuff to work on and I think I am working on it.
--
So yesterday, after I finished blogging, I sent Kim an email, even though she has told me she thinks it's best we don't talk for a while. The subject line was "My Stupid Mouth" and the body was Funny or Sad? with the link just like that, to John Mayer's "My Stupid Mouth". We used to argue about the song, I always thought it was sad and she thought it was funny. Like I've said before, for me, comedy and sadness usually go hand in hand. Anyway, I thought it was appropriate to our situation.
My stupid mouth
Has got me in trouble
I said too much again
To a date over dinner yesterday
And I could see
She was offended
She said "well anyway..."
Just dying for a subject change
and
Oh, the way she feels about me has changed
Thanks for playing, try again.
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one
and
I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
Than she desert me
and
One more thing
Why is it my fault?
So maybe I try too hard
But it's all because of this desire
I just wanna be liked
I just wanna be funny
Looks like the jokes on me
So call me captain backfire
Yeah, sounds about right. I'm not sure if she thought it was funny or even read it. It's cool. It's all about Hanna now.
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