Almost done with my first week of work. Thank God. Today I sat at the big boy's desk for the first time. I didn't have much trouble taking calls, messages, etc., but I am more and more starting to worry about the shoes I am filling. This girl has made excel spreadsheets to print checks, which automatically fill the values on the stub below. She keeps the office supplied with like 20 different kinds of paper and envelopes, deposit slips, and company checks, she keeps all of his old movies on dvds and backed up on a drive, she has binders for every project he's worked on in the last couple decades, she has hundreds of pages of paperwork for his attempt to become a Canadian citizen, she has stuff being compiled for his son's bar mitzvah in two years, she has passwords to million different sites and knows everyone he does business with and their phone numbers off the top of her head, she knows his schedule by heart, she knows how he likes his iced tea and how to drive a stick so she can switch their cars in the lot, she knows his restaurants, she knows where to go to find a high quality image of their logo, photoshop it make it Christmas like (which includes putting snow on the letters of the company), then knows how to take that logo, send it to have cotton bags made, and uses mail merge to take a contact list from excel and make labels for all of their addresses in word, she knows how to...eh fuck. You get the point.
There is no way I will ever be that meticulous. I can learn to be more meticulous, sure, but I will never be that meticulous. This girl's mom came and helped organize storage units for work, that is the family she comes from. Maybe I should ask my dad to come down and help me do that. Feeling pretty overwhelmed at the moment, like I may get fired any second because he realizes I'm a fraud. I thought they wanted someone that could make their movie better, but no, I think what he really wants is a career assistant (but doesn't want to pay for one) or at least it seems like it so far.
I don't do well in stressful environments. When I am worried about how someone is going to react if I make a mistake, I tend to make a lot more mistakes. It's sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy. So far, he's been a dick the few times I've messed up and I can't just let things like that roll off my back. I harp on it and let it send me off into a spiral of anxiety. Rather than just move on, keep doing my job, I get focused on trying to win back their favor and being anxious about whether each task that I'm accomplishing is doing that. I've worked for a guy that's made an award winning documentary and another guy that is the producer of a really big tv show, neither of them intimidated me like this guy. He thinks he's big time because he's made 20 lifetime movies? It's okay. In the end, I just work for a guy with an okay movie. That's it. Hopefully I can stick around long enough to make sure the next one is really kick ass. We'll see. We'll see if I have time. For a while I am just going to be flailing to keep up with the personal stuff. So far being an assistant/creative executive has made me feel like a personal assistant and has made my former work as a personal assistant feel like I was a creative executive.
Boo. Expressed these negative sentiments to my aunt and psychiatrist and some friends, they are all telling me to stick with it and I am going to. I hope it will be rewarding.
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