Man, I've been trying to keep up with writing but it has been really hard. Now that I am finally done with "Breaking Bad" maybe I can refocus, it had me completely sucked in for a couple weeks. There are a lot of other things I need to start doing too. Exercising for one!
Guess how much weight I've gained since I started working? Ten pounds. One month. Ten pounds. Not good. That's fine though. Just need to start considering what I eat and what I do, instead of just eating as much as I can and whatever I want all the time and spending the rest of my time sleeping and watching "Breaking Bad". Today I went on a run and did some push ups and sit ups. I ate pretty healthy, banana, apple, cliff bar, falafel wrap, chicken, broccoli, kale, yeah and like three girl scout cookies. That's nothing. Lately I could cruise through half a box for a snack. Gotta keep it going. 175 is pretty normal for a guy my height, but I refuse to gain any more weight. Being fat is like my worst nightmare. The good news is the doctor told me I should actually eat more meals, to keep my metabolism up, which is a great plan to lose weight if you ask me.
I met a random homeless guy who was schizophrenic and I told him I was schizoaffective and he asked me what meds I was taking, I told him Seroquel and he told me he used to take it and he got diabetes. Then he asked me for five bucks. I couldn't do it, but I gave him one, which I think was still pretty nice.
Monday at the doctor I was in a really bad mood. I don't know what it was, maybe just coming down from having a great weekend, but I felt similar on Sunday. I had a good amount to drink on Saturday, which might have had something to do with it. I'm going to cool it on drinking in general. It is too expensive to get drinks at bars. Next weekend is Vegas, so I will have to have a few there, but beyond that, it is just not that appealing to me. Lots of money, makes me feel shitty the next day, not a concoction for success, though I will admit that having one or two can loosen me up and be fun.
Part of it was that I didn't want to go to work. Everyday when I wake up I feel trapped. I shouldn't, but I do. I wish I was one of those people that saw every day as an opportunity, as something to seize. I mostly think of it as something to get through before I can get some time to do the things that I want to do. It is strange that our jobs have so much control over our lives. I know, some people really get to do their dream job, but it is few and far between.
We live in such an interesting time. In a hundred or two hundred years from now, humans will either be immortal, or extinct. Life on Earth for the human race will look a lot more like heaven, or hell. We live in that perfect stretch of time where technology has advanced to a point where the world is completely connected, but nature still exists.
I specifically live in an interesting place. The opportunities for someone from where I am from are boundless. I know people that have made bands and new inventions and professional sports teams and I know people that have died from drug overdoses. I am somewhere in between.
Watching "Young Adult" made me sort of worried about myself. I see a lot of myself in the the protagonist and she is a terrible human being. She moves from a small town to the big city and is a writer. She chugs diet coke, sleeps all day, has a dog she neglects, pretends to text, eats fast food, drinks too much, watches reality tv, and uses people to get what she wants. Not all of those things match up. Anyway, she goes back to win her high school sweetheart back, who is happily married with a child. This kind of reminded me of going back after Kim, even though she was single when we saw each other. I wouldn't have cared if she had a boyfriend.
A big part of the movie is showcasing that staying in a small town and having a family and regular job can be very fulfilling, while being a writer and being single in the city can be very lonely and cater to people with big egos and mental problems.
Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choices in life. I have always followed my passion and my passion was to do improv comedy and to write, but there are other times when I wonder if I should have followed something else, something more fulfilling. Improv and writing are very fulfilling as artistic expressions, but to be successful financially doing either it means you must be validated by lots of people, it means you need to network, it means you need to make it your career and if you did, would it be fulfilling? Possibly, sometimes, but as I am growing older, one thing I am really learning is having a good family and/or a good group of friends is more fulfilling to me than being validated by people who, for the most part I never really respected much to begin with.
When I first moved down here, I definitely had a lack of respect for people in Hollywood, especially people in the improv community. I respected the very few that I thought were good and dismissed all the rest. It didn't make me many friends in the community. Now I am nice to everyone and let everyone know that I liked their show, whether I am genuine or not. I don't have a great poker face for those that know me, so I doubt any of them are worried if I gave a forthcoming opinion for them after a show. It is mostly people that come up that I don't know and congratulate, that I always make sure to congratulate back.
Ok, I am literally dozing off behind this keyboard as I type. Kind of rambled, but oh well, no time to edit. I need sleep!
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