Today was a good day at work. My boss was gone so most of the day amounted to me hanging around in the office. I kept myself busy doing some left over stuff I haven't had tome to get around to in the last couple days, but I didn't look through files or go over to storage like I could have. I've been working my ass off, so I took today as a chance to take a breath.
This weekend I hung out with Kristin on Friday night. We went to Harvard and Stone and had a couple drinks. I keyed her in on the Vegas trip coming up and we caught up. Harvard and Stone is a cool bar, but I'm not to keen on any place that features $12 drinks, they are good, but honestly I expected a little more booze for that.
Saturday I saw Sean. He is engaged to his British girlfriend Laura, I honestly am happy for him, I can tell he really likes her and I've seen Sean go through a lot of relationships and this one seems like a match, like they are both as into each other as the other...yeah, you get it. We went to see "The Artist", which was a great movie. I had never really watched a silent film before, except Chaplain and it actually kept me entertained the whole way though. It is funny how little of the dialogue is actually necessary and how much can be inferred. Afterward he came to my improv show, which went pretty well, it was at least really fun, small audience but really fun. I have some hope for this team, really funny people on it.
Sunday I slept in, watched some football and then went and played frisbee golf with Jace. I threw an alright game, the holes were in really tough positions, then I went and got dinner with Stefan. I'd had a really bad sinus cold all week but we ate at Wot Don Moon Lek, a South East Asian restaurant and I had a really spicy meal and it totally cleared out my sinuses, I was going through tissue after tissue.
On Saturday night, I saw Gilli's car at Dan Lippert's house as I was driving to Sean's, then heard from Jace that they had all been hanging out at a friend's birthday party and then gone back there. It bums me out that I don't get phone calls from anyone when this kind of stuff happens anymore. When I had my house on that side of town I felt like I was in the center of everything. Now I feel like I'm on the peripherals.
I had a friend in high school who we would sometimes forget to call or invite places and I never felt much sympathy for him. "Why doesn't he call us?" is how I would always put it. Now I understand where he is coming from a little bit. I don't want to always be the one calling. I never have been, until now and now I feel weird that I rarely get a phone call inviting me out to go do something. At the same time I learned from his mistakes, in the sense that I will never say anything about it, beyond writing this, because every time he brought it up it made us want to call him less.
Kevin invited me to move in with him at the end of this month. I want to take him up on it if we can find the right place, but his timeline is pretty short and I don't want to move into a place that isn't right. Hopefully we can find something in the next couple weeks. It turns out no one is on the lease in the apartment that he lives in currently. Oops.
So I've been thinking and fantasizing about what I am going to say to Kim when she finally does write me, I am done trying to contact her. It is becoming clear to me she probably won't say anything until she has a serious boyfriend, here is what I am going to tell her:
Thanks for writing. I've thought a lot about what I would say to you when you finally wrote me. I am glad you finally feel I've given you enough space. I tried really hard to reach out to you because I wanted to give you the opportunity to let me forgive you for the way you acted, but now it is too late and things will never be the same. You were my most cherished relationship and most important friend, that will never be the same. The last time we were together you told me you would always be there for me no matter what happened between us and you lied. How you chose to behave was extremely selfish, telling me you needed time for yourself, even though (insert some private shit here). I needed you and you weren't there. People have told me to wait it out and that things would go back to normal, but I don't think they have a clue as to what our relationship was, only you and I know that and I think we both know it will never go back to normal. Maybe this is what you wanted. I'm not really sure how you are going to react to this and frankly I don't really care. Part of me hopes you will try to regain my trust and keep the promises you made to me, another part of me thinks it's easier just to never see you or talk to you again. It's your call. Like always.
Yeah. Sooner or later it's coming.
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