I am hitting my 50th post tonight. My first one was Nov 9th, so I am averaging one post every other day, not bad. Certainly not as frequent as when I started, but I couldn't keep that pace up forever. So, it's Friday night, almost 10pm and I'm writing a blog post. Not super cool of me, but whatever. I wish I had something more going on, was going to go to a comedy show and decided to skip it in favor of going out with Kevin, but now I haven't heard from him and the night is flying by.
I'm not sure how much I've accomplished in these last fifty posts. I have a job now. I'm going to be out of my aunt and uncle's relatively soon. I am certainly doing much better than when I started writing, in a sense. I am feeling much more stable. I am also feeling an increasing loneliness that is really hard to shake. I know a big part of it is living at my aunt and uncle's house, but I also know that it will never be like it was when I had my house.
I know I've said some of this shit before.
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It's been almost six months since I've talked with Kim. I am definitely feeling good about where I am at in relation to her. I am feeling very over her at the moment. What is hard for me is to reconcile my feelings, because I felt so comfortable and whole when I was pursuing her. It gave me purpose. Now I need a new purpose. I want that purpose to be to write something great, but the ideas aren't flowing to me like they did toward the end of college. Then I could write and write and write. Now I can write and write and write, but not as creatively as I could then. Hopefully it will just come back to me soon.
I think I would really enjoy writing some sketches with people. I used to really enjoy doing that. Again, I don't know what happened. When I hang out with people now, it is rare that someone says, "That'd be a good sketch idea." I don't know why it is. It used to happen all the time. Like writing on my own, I think it will come back, in time.
I've really been enjoying improv recently. I've felt more confident and like I've had more purpose.
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My aunt and uncle just got home from their dinner. Maybe I'll just stay in tonight. Tomorrow I am going to Manhattan Beach and the next day going to a Superbowl party, so it's not like I'm going to be bored the next couple days. I've been pretty tired during the day and this could be a good chance to get a good rest. Maybe I'll watch Bridesmaids. I have a screener that Josh (my old boss, not Keeler) gave to me.
I don't know! I want to be back in the middle of things. Right now I feel so far out on the periphery.
Anyway, this is all pretty selfish and self-centered. I want to have more to say about other people, but I work alone all day and then have no one to hang out with, ugh, more self-loathing.
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My cousin is upstairs, he was on his iphone like all night. I would not get a kid in middle school an iphone. I can't stand when people totally disregard you in conversation to look at their phone or when you go to a party and all it is is a bunch of people standing around looking at their phones. An iphone is like a base level of entertainment. It is like the same reason people stop and eat fastfood on road trips, it is always the same and you always can be sure of what you're going to get. If you are at a place that is below the iphone standard of entertainment, you can always rely on it to pick you back up. What these people forget is if they got off their fucking phone and contributed something to the world rather than assuming they must always be entertained by it, the party they were at would probably suddenly get a lot more fun, or maybe not because for the most part those people have no personalities.
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My grandpa is coming back to stay here again soon. He had an infection in his knee or something and had to go to the hospital for a while. We were all worried for a couple of days, my uncle went up to visit him, but I guess he is ok. They way he will never live alone again. He will probably be here for a long time. I think it is best that I move out soon. That way I can come and visit him and he will be happy. He doesn't like it when the people living here don't tell him where they are going and what they are doing and I just can't do that all the time.
A guy that works with my boss is leaving his apartment is Santa Monica for a couple of months, it is a one bedroom and is rent controlled for $750 a month. Sound like a deal to me. It could be a good transition from here to my new living situation, where ever that ends up being. I've seen some cool little bungalows in Silverlake recently and that is what I'm shooting for.
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I've been thinking about immigration the last day or so since I had a conversation about it with Kristin. She asked me what my opinion was on it and I told her I didn't think I had a right to be here more than anyone else. She seemed to be of the opinion that illegals were taking from the middle class. Maybe, but even if it is true, just by the virtue that they are middle class, their life is so much better than that of an illegal immigrant. Not that it is richer, necessarily, but they have rights and a vote and health insurance and car insurance and don't have to hide who they are. Immigrants here illegally struggle greatly to get here. I don't blame them.
During my manic episode, I tried to drive to Mexicali from Tijuana, and it fucking sucks down there. Seriously. No one should have to live there. It is a terrible desert wasteland. If that is your home and you like it, fine. But seriously, go do that drive and tell me anyone should not be allowed to hop over that fence and come to where things are a million times nicer. Well, you probably will never do that drive because there are a bunch of drug cartels down there and it's scary as fuck to drive over there and that is exactly my point.
If we legalized everybody, we'd have more people paying taxes (even though I guess most of them would probably get a rebate), you'd have more people in the health care system and less getting basically free emergency room treatment. Why not? Well, mostly because Republicans know if too many minorities get into the country their party is doomed.
Why I think Obama has got the election locked up? Well, aside from Romney's utter lack of personality and the fact that he is a millionaire paying barely any taxes in a time when people think the rich should be paying more taxes and that establishment politicians should be run out of Washington on train tracks? 4 more years of legal immigrants to this country who can vote. 4 more years of young voters. You can't tell me either of those demographics are going to go for a republican. So that being said, Repbulican's need to find a way to find new voters. Romney isn't going to inspire tea party candidates to get out, that's for sure.
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I've been exercising the last couple days. Like I said, I had gained 10 pounds since I started working. That's some major LBS. I'm feeling pretty good except I get terrible shin splints in my left shin. I stretch it really well before I go but it always ends up getting really enflamed. I wonder how far I'd be able to run if that wasn't the case. Tomorrow it will be a beach run, then I can go quite a bit further.
Getting out to Manhattan Beach will be fun, it always is and it is so unseasonably warm that we will probably be able to go to the beach tomorrow. Might as well party if the world is going up in flames. This time next week I'll be driving to Vegas. I seriously can't wait. So many pals going to be there. It is truly something to be excited about. I'm really bummed Jace wont be able to go, since a big part of the inspiration for the trip was our first go around a few years ago when him and Charlie and I went. Those were the best times ever.
Well, I think this is worthy of a fiftieth post. Still no word from Kevin, fucker. Looks like I am going to stay in after all, get to bed early, get some good breakfast, read the paper like old times, like before I had this God damn job. Job actually isn't so bad though, Stan really is a pretty good guy. I feel bad about writing all that stuff about him before, but he did intimidate the shit out of me for a while there.
Anyway, yeah, signing out.
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